Ryan Donnelly's Blog

The Greatest Race

I have gone through my whole life believing I had a purpose and that I had a chance to be great.  At the same time, I must admit that I also believed I had limits.  Truth is, something was always tugging at my shirt, pulling a little at my progress.  The culprit?  My mind.

As a recovering addict I face demons daily.  I can be out walking and a scent of cologne that my dealer would wear can set me off. It’s not really a craving, it’s more of a flashback at the evil person that once dwelled in my body.  It’s like a slap in the face out of nowhere, my lower back begins to sweat, my mouth gets dry and my mind starts blabbing.  I have come such a long way in my recovery, but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t remember what I became while I was using. I have to remember, so that I will be able to move forward.   

My mind is a very powerful tool in my recovery, it is also an enemy if not put in it’s place.  I have my 50 mile race coming up in 2 weeks and the closer it gets the more anxious I become.

The race itself will be a personal milestone for mileage.  To finish an Ultra will be a huge accomplishment for myself. The truth of the matter is, I am really doing this race for other addicts.  I want to prove to other addicts that they can do incredible things when they put their mind to it.  Sure, if you research ultra marathons online, there are tons held each year, but for a guy that was days away from suicide, unwilling to live without pills and just tired of breathing, this 50 mile race is everything.

This is my statement to not only myself, but to those people who doubted my recovery.  It’s for the people I once considered friends that walked out when the going got tough. It’s for the people that believed I was using again, and spread that venomous lie around  like wildfire. It’s for all of the judgments that were cast when their hands weren’t clean. But most of all, it’s for the handful of people that did stick it out with me. It’s for Jess,  for my parent’s, my family and her family.  It’s for me.

So when I come to that finish line, you should all know that I will not be alone. I will be surrounded by those who stood by me and running past those who left.

**I know today was Jess’ turn to write, but have no fear she will be back tomorrow with a new twist on her weekly update.**

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