Ryan Donnelly's Blog

The Suicidal Battle

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I  have had the privilege of coming within inches of my own demise.  Most people wouldn’t usually see it as a blessing but I can’t imagine it any different. Being so close to something so cement and so final, and turning it around, enabled me to find my own meaning in my life again.

I have touched lightly on the topic of suicide and how influenced my decision to kill myself was because of my drug addiction.  Well the truth is,  I was less than 48 hours away from a deadly cocktail of Oxycontin and Adderall, 5 times the amount I was used to, which would most certainly have ended my life. Where I was then, I wasn’t concerned about anyone else but myself.  I didn’t even think twice about having Jess wake up next to a corpse. How’s that for reality for ya?

Before my addiction I had my mind made up about suicidal people.  I truly thought they were weak-minded individuals and that they were cowards.  That is until of course I faced the issue head on in my own life.  I understand now more than ever how dark ones life can get.  How mentally sick you make YOURSELF by the actions you choose. 

 I like to think of it as a giant imaginary world of dominoes, one wrong choice topples over onto another bad choice and before you know it, the momentum and weight of the dominoes is too much to hold up or stop.  I am just grateful that something stopped my last domino from falling.

With this post I wanted to touch on a very delicate subject just a little bit. I only have my own experience with it and there is so much to learn about what goes on in people’s minds when they are contemplating ending their own life. All I can hope to achieve by this is that just one of you walk away a bit more enlightened and a bit more compassionate, maybe even a little less judgemental. You never know what’s going on in the person’s head that’s sitting right next to you and there’s an old quote that says it better than I can. 

 ’Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

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