Ryan Donnelly's Blog

My Life


I have passion for life.  A year ago I was addicted to Oxycontin, and on a mental death bed.  Every second of life was horrid and my ego left me with one option. Suicide.  I should be dead, but one year later, after the shit storm of reality, I’m not.  

I’m not, that’s the reason for this blog.  

  So let’s see, why?  Well I don’t have a concrete answer for that, but I have some ideas.  It comes down to facing failure.  When you have such high expectations of yourself but you are an excuse maker.  And boy I was the KING of excuses.  And the only person you truly fool is yourself.  Then comes a time when you’re alone.  Completely alone with your thoughts.  You look in the mirror and into your own eyes and say, “Who the fuck are you kidding?”  You start scratching away at all the cob webs in your mind.  The more you dig, the more the truth comes out of what a coward you have become.  And in that moment I made a pledge to myself.  I will never settle.  And something was lit.  I didn’t find religion, or the greater good.  I saw reality looking back at me.  And for the first time in my life I was completely free.  See, I am in a place that I never knew existed before.  I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me, I realize the truth in situations that before I was blinded by ego.  I don’t want to be like anyone else.  I’m not worried about meeting a standard of acceptance.  I yam what I yam as popeye says and that’s just it.  If you don’t like it, beat feet.

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