Ryan Donnelly's Blog

Impossible? Put That Shit To Bed!

 

A few announcements before I start. I have been overwhelmed with the amount of support I have received since the start of this, this blog has given me the opportunity to release my story. My inbox on Facebook has been lit up with mail from friends, new friends, and people who could relate in some way or another to my story. The positive messages I have been receiving has only added to my fire for life. My gratitude can not be expressed in words.

Many suggestions have come in to help with my blog, and I am fully open to as many suggestions as possible. What do you want to know about my story? Please write me some mail and I will write about whatever you’re interested in. The fact that people are actually interested in what I have to say gets me going. I realize that this is partialy due to the fact that this story is similar to a lot of other people’s stories. I have no problem being a voice to let out what a life of drugs can teach you. Last thing before I get started, I will only be adding new posts 3 times a week from now on, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Again, thank you so much for your support!

IMPOSSIBLE. The voice in my head used it a lot, it was a big part of my vocabulary. It was an excuse to be lazy. In every aspect of my life I was put down by myself. It’s like every time I started something, I would be strong at the start, but eventually my thoughts would be the death of the action over time. My head would convince me, “this is impossible.” “You should do something else.” Over and over and over, and I never finished anything I started.

Consumed with negative thoughts, my life was worthless. Hell WAS my reality. But getting clean, having every “best friend” turn their back on me when I was at my lowest, made me realize what was important in life. To some, the betrayal of taking prized material possessions was more important than my life. I learned that a group of “best friends”, moves more like a massive blob, and that straying from the “pack” is highly frowned upon. I have learned that after 20 years of friendship that you can be calling out for help in everyway, but it doesn’t matter till you take something from them. Then that’s when they are going to step on you like a bug. Try to get you for all you have. Try to ruin you. Yeah I said it.

As you can probably tell, I was alone, without any friends, but I can not thank every one of the people who left my life enough. These life lessons taught me how to be stronger. Just as I used to lean on alcohol or drugs, I leaned on my “pack” to protect me when I couldn’t stand up for myself, or I needed comfort. But the reality of it was that I never needed any of it, the reality of it was that I never needed them. Getting clean and starting over, was a blessing. I was re-born and was shown what’s real.

I gave materials and people way too much power over my life. The voice in my head became a tool. It used to taunt me and say, “Ryan that’s impossible, don’t even bother.” Then something unexplainable happened. I completely SNAPPED. The voice in my head was my biggest enemy and I beat the shit out of it. I would literally sit alone and think about life, and my perspective was brighter and larger than I could even explain. Impossible became something of a joke. It was a lie. This whole time, it’s been a lie.

Things only have power when I GIVE them power. I control my life. Nothing controls me. This was such an easy thing to hear, but to implement it in my own life was hard at first, but after continuous practice I became an inferno of motivation. Nothing is impossible. It’s complete bullshit. Weak people give the word power, I’m here to tear it down and destroy it.

I needed new hobbies. “People, places and things”, I would hear from sober individuals. I started to dabble in running. Running was a staple in my life when I was in the service, but exercise slowly became less important as time went on. But one morning, last December, I decided to go out and go for a little trot. While I was out, that same voice returned, it was telling me, “Ryan i’m hurting, I can’t breathe, please stop, this is impossible.” I stopped running on the side of the road, hunched over and immediately snapped once again. That voice in my head was trying it’s hardest to bring me down. A HUGE smile overwhelmed my face as my body was overcome with goosebumps, an inferno was lit.

Fast forward to the present, that voice has been my trainer, whenever he tells me I don’t want to run, I give it 120% instead. Endurance running has become my passion. Never have I been tested every day more than running long distances.

This running has brought me a new friendship. My buddy Vitti and I seem to be on the same path. I feed off his PMA (Positve Mental Attitude) every day. He’s had some serious struggles of his own, very much like mine, and he is an inspiration. We recently signed up together to slowly destroy impossible. We are running the Can Lake 50 mile race in October. If you told me a year ago that I would be running a 50 mile race in Oct 2010, I would have said that’s IMPOSSIBLE. Understand what I’m saying?

Vitti recently came down for the weekend and we went for a training run together. We never had a convo off Facebook and decided to do a 15 mile run. Never in my life have I met someone with the same outlook about life. He is seriously someone who get’s “it”. He understands life, and understands where I’m coming from. I realized that some people have to go into hell, and fight to crawl out to get it. We both have scars from that battle and are motivated. 50 mile race, impossible? I know not.

What get’s you going?

—– Check back at 6am Monday through Thursday for new posts! —–

Comments are closed

Photo Gallery

Log in | Designed by Gabfire themes