Ryan Donnelly's Blog

The Real Story Of A Junky

This post is facts about how possessed I was with evil and selfishness. ***This may be disturbing to some readers, but as I promised in the beginning, a piece of shit smells like shit, and when I was using, I was one smelly dude.***

So what got me into the hospital? Why wasn’t I dead? What happened to all of your friends? You were a thief?

Let me start this off by answering some of these questions. Was I a thief? You could say I was the WORST kind of thief. I was a snake in the high grass, waiting to attack people’s belongings. But these people weren’t strangers. That would be bad but worse they were people I loved. How could I do such a thing? As crazy as it is, in my mental state, my selfishness popped up once again, I felt as though, if I stole from people I loved, they wouldn’t suspect me. I could keep tabs on them, and know if they did suspect me, I would have time to end it. By end it, I mean my life.

Reality of the matter was that this junky wiped out his mother, girlfriends mother, 2 best friends mothers and his own father’s jewelery. I wiped out my best friends parents jewelery while they were on vacation, what a way to end a vacation huh, come home and find your stuff is gone. Took anything and everything gold. This junky was destroying memories, people’s prized possessions, things that people cherished and passed down in their families for hundreds of years. Gained entry into people’s homes who loved me. Entered people’s private bedrooms, snaking around. It gives me chills thinking about it now. Why? Because I was the lowest piece of shit. I was more selfish than anyone in town, all that mattered in my mind was killing the sickness. The same word keeps popping up in your mind as you read this I know, coward.

I was getting desperate. When you turn and start hurting the people you love your obviously mentally ill. My world was slowly crumbling but worse, I was destroying the people’s lives around me. I was hurting everyone in some way or another. I was resonating negativity, I didn’t even have to speak when I entered a room, my vibe was enough to scare dogs.

Police were getting involved. Detectives got tips on the menace in their town. They were given the low-down on me and I was followed for about 2 weeks. I could feel the pressure coming down on me. Suicide was sounding not like a good idea, but the only idea because once again, it was my show, I didn’t care about anyone. That word again I know, coward.

I was getting a check in 2 days. I kept telling myself, “this will all be over in two days.” Hold out for two more days. When I get that check I will buy up as much oxy and adderall as I can and explode my heart. I wanted to die by the poison that took every part of my life. Once again, the same word pops up, coward.

Well, all the cards fell at the perfect time to get me where I am now. Jess needed to go to Target for some girl stuff, so we hopped in her truck and headed out. As we were heading there, her mother was out running errands when she was pulled over by a detective. He asked her if she housed a “Ryan Donnelly.” Scared out of her mind, that something happened to us, she answered “yes.” Then the truth started to unravel. He handed her a pile of receipts from pawn shops of stolen jewelery. Asked her if any of the items were hers. Which many were. One heart-broken, many more to come.

Jess received a phone call from her mother, telling her that her and I needed to come home immediately. Jess hung up with her mother and was frantic. Started asking me questions, “why do we have to go home? My mom said somethings very wrong.” I just looked at her blankly and replied, “I have no idea, I hope everything is ok.” But the truth was that I knew exactly what was going on. I was done. My insides, that evil person inside me was clawing at me to run, the coward didn’t want to face the music, but I turned around and drove to Jess’s house. We walked in and her mom’s face was swollen from tears, all the color was taken from her flesh and she told me to sit down. She said out loud, “Ryan has a lot of explaining to do, he has done some terrible things.” “The detective says it’s now or never Ryan.”

I sat at her dining room table completely surrendered. I was ready to die. I wanted to die, I didn’t feel worthy of air, I was disgusting.

Before I knew it, I was on a hospital bed in the ER. I was in the loony bin part of the ER on suicide watch. It was time to exorcise my demons. Withdrawal had begun. Every pore on my body was excruciating. It was the flu times 10. And I deserved every ache, migraine, and tear.

I laid in that bed squirming for around 48 hours waiting for a room in my local mental health facility. I was being committed for 5 days. That’s right, I was being committed.

The ambulance drivers arrived in my room with the gurney, I moved onto it and I was wheeled to the ambulance. As they put me in the back of the bus, mom, dad, jess’ mom and jess were crying watching me be taken away.

This is as much as I can write today. Please understand that this is hard for me to go back to. But I have to get the truth out. I need people to know what drugs can do to your life. It’s not a joke, this stuff destroys.

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